Logan Ryan's Birth Story

On Thursday, 12 days before Logan's due date, we were headed to Lufkin to spend the weekend with Blake's brother and sister in law. I started feeling crampy and was pretty sure that Logan had dropped down lower and that I had dilated a little. During the night that night, I had contractions that woke me up every 15 minutes or so for five hours. But they never got closer together or more intense and by the time I got up they had quit. All day Friday I was crampy and moody and was kind of scared to be around anyone in fear that I would snap someone's head off. On Friday night I once again had about 5 hours of contractions during the night that quit by morning. I texted my midwife and she encouraged me that though they weren't the "real thing" that they were doing something; she just wasn't sure what without checking me. And considering I was 4 hours away checking me wasn't an option. I was feeling really confused and nervous. How would I KNOW when the real thing started? I didn't want to drive four hours for nothing, but I REALLY didn't want to deliver the baby in the car on the side of the road. I was stressed. Saturday morning Blake and I picked up Hope from my sister-in-law, went and ate donuts, and then did some shopping. It was fun and relaxing and I found myself slipping back into a better mood. I had off and on contractions that were growing a little in intensity, and even had to stop and breathe through a couple as we shopped. We went back to my brother in law's house and I changed clothes and sat and talked to my sister in law and best friend while they got the house set up for my baby shower. My baby shower was so much fun. My closest friends growing up were there and most their moms. It was really nice catching up with everyone and great to get so much of the stuff we still needed for the baby and the punch was amazing! I drank a liter of it I think. I was having contractions through the whole shower. They were staying pretty intense. I got to where I was completely focused on them when I was having them and had a hard time trying not to show that I was distracted.

Everyone left from the baby shower, and the guys came back to the house. I decided to start quietly using the contraction app on the phone to time contractions. Everyone was sitting around in the living room visiting and watching Callie our niece be cute and the kids play. All the while I was in my own little world. My contractions were only every 13-15 minutes, but they were starting to be painful. Blake was sitting very close to me and at one point held up the camera in front of us and said "smile" and took the picture below. I was in the middle of a contraction and my smile was more like a teeth gritting than a smile. The picture is awful quality, but it will forever hold a memory from that day.

Just awhile later we were all sitting down to eat pizza for dinner and I had another contraction that hurt even worse. It took all my will power to sit there and act normal. Right after that, the phone rang and it was my midwife. I went to the back room to talk to her, but a contraction hit and I knew I wouldn't be able to talk. So I let the phone ring and breathed through the contraction, and then called her back. I told her that the contractions weren't getting closer together, but that they were hurting worse. I told her I could no longer talk during them. She told me to get on the road. I called Blake back to the room and filled him in. I told him that I still didn't know if it was real or not, and didn't want to make a wasted trip. He immediately said, "We are going, and we are going right now." I reminded him that homemade ice cream was in the process of being made and I knew he would want some, so why didn't we wait until at least after ice cream." He said, "No. We are going now." He said he was going to let his family know and I called after him, "Tell them it's probably not the real thing. We just want to be safe." I really did not want to cause a big stir only to get there and not be in real labor for another week. We got everything together, threw it in the car, and were off. My contractions continued to be every 13 minutes or so and I had to breathe through them. Between contractions we talked and had a really nice, peaceful drive. About 2 hours into the trip we stopped so I could go to the bathroom and Blake could get some ice cream...consolation for missing out on  homemade ice cream. I had a contraction in the bathroom waiting on an open stall and then another one when I got back outside. That started them every 10 minutes and my breathing changed to moaning. They were not fun but luckily I was still getting 10 minutes in between to regroup. I was in communication with my midwife off and on throughout the trip. Around this time she called and Blake answered instead of me and I think that was a red alert to her. She told him she was notifying the birth center and a midwife at the birth center in Grand Prairie so that if we didn't think we could make it to her, we could stop there. Right about the time we needed to exit if we were going to stop at Grand Prairie, I had a contraction and felt this strong urge to lift myself off my seat and move my hips from side to side. I did and felt him slide way down. But feeling determined, I told Blake, "Keep going. Let's try to make it." He agreed and we drove past our exit praying that we wouldn't regret it. At that point my contractions started coming every three to five minutes. When Blake realized how suddenly things were progressing he said adamantly, "Do not move your hips again until we get there!!" About 25 minutes from arrival I started shaking and my teeth started chattering. At this point I knew this was the real thing and that I was more than likely in transition. About 10 minutes later my moaning turned to what was more like grunting and Blake kind of freaked out. We both knew that meant my body was starting to push on its own. He turned on his flashers and started driving faster, but almost immediately a police car u-turned and started coming after us. I looked over at Blake and could read his mind. He wanted to ignore it and keep going. I told him through my grunting/moaning, "STOP! I will be ok!" So he pulled over, rolled down his window, put both of his hands outside the car, stuck his head out and hollered, "My wife is in labor!" The officer walked up to the car, looked at me, (I had my face in my hands and my forehead resting on the window) and asked if we were going to the hospital. Blake told him that we were going to a birthing center 5 minutes away and he said, "Okay. Be careful and congratulations." And we were off again...this time without the flashers and a little slower. :) We pulled into the driveway at the birthing center about 7 minutes later and my midwife ran out to meet us. I went to the bathroom and then she checked me and told me that I was 9 centimeters, completely thinned out, and +4 station. She told me I could get in the tub that was all prepared for me and start pushing. I got in and immediately had a horrible, pushing contraction. I know a lot of women that feel relief during the pushing part. I don't. I HATE it. During the contraction I was wailing that I wasn't ready and I couldn't do it and all other kinds of nonsense. When the contraction ended I felt so very sleepy. I drooped over the side of the tub like a half dead woman, and asked for water. They brought me water, and gave me some kind of homeopathic drops to calm me down, and took my vitals and the baby's. From what I can remember I had two more contractions that I pretty much yelled like a banshee through. My midwife told me that the next contraction would deliver the head and the one after that the rest of the body. She told me to push slowly. The next contraction I think I remember yelling that it burned over and over. At one point they were all (Blake, the midwife, and 1 of the 2 student midwives) were all telling me loudly to push slowly, and I told them back MORE loudly, "NO I want him OUT NOW!!" They told  me I needed to move a different direction so my midwife could reach to flip him to keep him from getting tangled in his cord. Somehow I made myself move and she flipped him as his head came out and the burning stopped. Thank the LORD! I reached down and felt his head....and I felt HAIR!! I had been praying that this baby would have hair for months! I was so excited and it gave me the motivation to keep going. The next contraction hit and I pushed the rest of him out, turned over and my midwife handed him up to me. What a crazy, incredible feeling of relief and happiness and awe. Molly told me congratulations and I told her that I was so sorry that I had been yelling at her for the past 30 minutes. She told me, "You didn't yell at me, and you have NOT been here 30 minutes. Looking at the notes that the other student midwife had been taking we discovered that he was born only 20 short minutes from pulling up to the birthing center. What a whirlwind! Whirlwind is too mild though. Hurricane that's better. What a hurricane!

Logan Ryan Davis weighed 6lbs 4oz. and measured 20 inches long. He has brown hair and eyes that look like they will be brown. We immediately thought that he was adorable and he was so tiny and quiet. We spent the next 40 hours staying with my midwife at her house and she kept a close eye on him the first 24 hours because he had a little trouble with regular breathing in the first few minutes and also had a wet part in his one of his lungs for the first 12 hours or so. He got over both things on his own though and has been doing great ever since.

Today he is one week old and I am absolutely in love. Every day my attachment and love for him multiplies. I am breaking the rules and he sleeps with me at night snuggled up under my chin. I will treasure these days for the rest of my life.
A sweet friend in El Gorion in Guatemala held my hands before I left and said while wiping tears from her eyes, "When I prayed for you and your baby God gave me a vision that this baby will be healthy, handsome, and a great blessing."
I think about her words a dozen times a day. How right those words are. So overwhelmed with love and gratitude for this amazing blessing.

JUST This

10 days until the kids and I fly to the States. 31 days until Blake flies to the States. 45 days until Logan Ryan's due date. Lots of excitement and nervousness and "can't believe this is happening." Logan is head down low now and I'm feeling stronger Braxton Hicks contractions which my midwife here in Guatemala says leads her to believe I'm going to have another easy labor. Music to my ears. I feel that mother instinct kicking in already. That feeling that freaked me out when Camden was born. This almost animal like instinct that I have to protect my baby and have him close. Here are some pictures of me at 32 weeks.

With Blake getting more and more responsibilities here in the minsitry, I wonder if homeschooling and having another baby plus being in the process to adopt another little one is crazy, when I could be doing so much more to help Blake and be a part of of the amazing things going on here. 

But I know that Logan is a gift God wanted to give us. He has spoken that to my heart since the first early weeks when I was nauseous and anxious. And the confirmations that we DO have a little one coming from Ethiopia continue to come. But still I question sometimes...

"Would it have been more admirable for me to skip the two new babies and maybe even the homeschooling and pour my heart and time into partnering with my husband in the work here?"

 But in my heart I know my calling lays #1 in being a wife and mom. And God has been speaking to my heart a lot about that lately. Recently during one of my devotional times He even spoke to me anew about who He was calling me to be and the areas He wanted me to develop and mature. I wrote them out as they came to my mind and heart.

1. As a wife God wants me to be Blake's breath of fresh air 

2. As a mom God wants me to laugh a lot and not be stressed

3. And for the opportunities I do get to minister and have relationships outside my home God has made me and called me to be a woman that has this balance of gentleness and realness/rawness and humility and humor. A safe place for people to be themselves and to realize through my words and example that God will meet them where they are. 

I honestly don't know if it's because of calling, selfishness, or personality but I can't do all three of these things AND be intensively invested in work and ministry outside our home. When I get busy outside our home, being Blake's "breath of fresh air" turns into being Blake's whiny, needy wife, being a mom that laughs a lot and isn't stressed turns into being mom that snaps a lot and IS stressed, being a woman outside the home that is gentle and real and and humble and funny turns into being a woman that is often effective but quickly becomes too intense and opinionated and then unsatisfied and restless because I am being a brat to my husband and kids and feeling regretful about my over-intensity. 

Some women can do it all. They are great workers and ministers outside the home AND excel at being wives and mothers. I admire them. But I'm not there. At least not yet. So I'm a wife and a mom the majority of the time, and you know what? I love it! But at the same time I'm having to learn not to let Satan steal that love and joy from me by telling me I'm not enough. Because how sad to think that God has given me these fantastic children and the privilege and desire to homeschool them and stay at home with them PLUS given me the gift of loving it, and yet I allow Satan to make me question myself and compare myself and judge myself and take into (way too much) account people's critical opinions women that are only wives and moms. It's almost like taking God's gift of enjoying my life and throwing it away. And I'm determined to stop doing that. And to just focus on those three things that God is telling me to work on. That's where I am right now. I know it's not everyone's journey, and I know it won't be my journey forever, but it what it is for right now. And I'm good with JUST this. 

Guatemala Vs. USA Part 2

So below I posted Hope's journal entry on Guatemala Vs. USA. Today I looked Camden's up in his journal and read his. It's definitely more positive towards Guatemala than it would have been last year. :)

Guatemala Vs. USA

Guatemala is stinky, USA smells fine.
USA is plain, Guatemala is beautiful.
Guatemala is polluted, USA is clean.
Some Americans are rude, some Guatemalans are nice.
Guatemala markets are disturbing, USA markets are cool.
American movies are expensive, Guatemala movies are cheap.
Guatemala has bad water, USA has good water.
USA has uneven weather, Guatemala has good weather.
Guatemala culture is different, USA culture is what I'm used to.
USA has fruit that you do not need to clean, and Guatemala has fruit you do have to clean.
Guate has Luna de Miel (restaurant), USA does not.

Guatemala Vs. USA

Camden and Hope had a journal entry they had to complete this week entitled Guatemala Verses USA. I thought I'd share Hope's because I want to remember it. I know there are some things that aren't necessarily accurate, so I wouldn't put this on Facebook or anything because I wouldn't want anyone to be offended. Not that anyone should be offended by a ten year old's perspective, but if it were to happen it would happen to me. Anyway..... I was happy to see she was pretty balanced as far as seeing positives and negatives of both countries.

Guatemala Vs. USA

USA is flat, Guatemala is beautiful.
USA doesn't have pollution, Guatemala does.
Guatemala is colorful, USA is not.
USA has one story malls, Guatemala has three story malls.
In the USA nobody's poor, in Guatemala 50% of the people are poor.
Guatemala has maids, USA doesn't.
USA is less dangerous and you can play outside at night, in Guatemala you can't.
Guatemala has way more stray dogs than the USA.
Guatemala has parasites, USA doesn't.
USA has dollars, Guatemala has quetzales.
USA has buid-a-bears, Guatemala doesn't.
USA speaks English, Guatemala speaks Spanish.

Camden Bailey is 12!!

Camden has changed a lot this year. He's faced his disappointment of moving from the states head on and moved from angry to learning to deal, and from learning to deal to acceptance, and from acceptance to contentment . I have been so proud of him. He definitely hasn't become "Guatemalan" by any means, and I can't say that he embraces everything about the culture, but he HAS learned to be content. And that's a big lesson to learn at eleven years old. And it was a lesson he had to learn mostly on his own. Blake and I couldn't do it for him.

I also can see his growth as we start school this year. He is focused, has a good attitude, and tries hard. I breathe a sigh of relief and gratitude every day. I am not an "everyone should home school" fanatic, but for me personally I am so, so very thankful that I get to be his teacher. He loves to discuss what he is learning. It means it takes us longer to get through subjects, but more importantly it means he's enjoying learning and that makes me very happy!

He gets things now that would go over his head just a few months ago. And he says things that are really funny. Not like cute funny. But funny funny. And when he laughs his eyes laugh and it's fantastic. He and I have a similar sense of humor so a lot of times we are laughing way after Blake has quit. (while poor Hope is still trying to figure out what is going on) This is probably my most favorite thing about our relationship right now....laughing our heads off together.

He is still as much of a dare devil as ever, if not more so. I am so thankful to the Lord that he hasn't hurt himself badly. I want him to continue to love adventure and try new things and challenge himself so I let him do a lot of things that I can't actually watch him do or it will freak me out.

Camden loves drawing, action hero movies, and mine craft. He wants to do something behind the scenes with movies one day, and he is adamant that he will live in Texas forever once he moves back from Guatemala. He really can't figure out why there is anyone in the world that DOESN'T want to live in Texas. He wants to get married one day to a girl that doesn't like "fancy food."

Tonight we went to his favorite place for dinner: Luna de Miel. He gets the same thing every time a ham and cheese crepe and a Dama Blanca...which is a huge ice cream with chocolate syrup. I think it's hilarious that his favorite thing is a crepe and an ice cream named: "White Woman" at  restaurant that translates "Honeymoon". We told him as we ate all the things that we have seen him grow in this year. It was very touching as long as you could ignore Hope whining, "How come you didn't say anything nice to me on MY birthday?"

I get how Camden's mind works a lot of the time, and understand his struggles because I have struggled or am still struggling in the same way and fashion.  This way of being able to relate to him means I can feel his pain inside of my own self. It is really cool, but it's hard. He feels things deeply and over a long period of time. He asks himself (and us) hard questions and wrestles with them. He needs time alone, yet also craves close relationship. But then he doesn't quite know what to do with himself in big settings of people, and can sometimes be a tad awkward. Wow! That looks familiar. I find myself trying to explain to Blake where Camden is coming from pretty frequently.

For as much as he is like me however, he is still very different in that he is all boy. He can't be still. Can't just walk through a room and not do something to Hope or I...poke us in the ribs, mess up our hair, scream that he sees a bug, etc... He leaves cabinets open, dirty clothes in the bathroom, and crawls up on all beds with filthy feet from playing outside barefoot. He drives us girls in this house crazy but we miss him like crazier when he's gone for more than just a little while. He is just so cute, we can't stay frustrated with him.

I feel honored to be a front row observer as his mom and his teacher in the next year and see the continued growth and maturity that happens. I know deep down that Jesus has a plan for him and that He is preparing him. I hope and pray that I do my part well in helping him become the man that he is called to be.

Camden Bailey I believe in you. You ARE and you are GOING TO BE just amazing.

Destiny Hope is 10!!!

This amazing girl turns 10 today. I feel overwhelmingly blessed to be her mom. She couldn't be more different than me. I've said that plenty of times. But she is my sweetheart. She teaches me so much, and fills my days with surprises and lots of laughter.

She continues to be the extrovert of the family. I love how she has started asking people questions to get them to talk. "Have you ever had a dog?" "What time do you wake up in the mornings?" "What's your favorite movie?"

She understands quite a bit of Spanish, but is still real hesitant to speak it. She likes being a part of our ministry's art site and education site, but we can't seem to get her there near often enough. She also is beside herself with excitement when she gets to spend time with her fellow missionary kid friends (from other ministries).

Hope has just started 6th grade along with her brother this week. Grammar, Reading, and Spelling are her strong subjects. She loves learning new things on her own... making her rainbow loom bracelets, cooking her own homemade lip gloss on the stove, discovering creative ways to do her nail polish, and watching then memorizing gymnastic routines. You tube is a school of it's own for her.

The way she continues to teach herself gymnastics makes us so proud! She teaches herself something on the trampoline first and before we know it she's doing it on the ground. She is never satisfied. Always pushing herself. Some days she limps around like an invalid because she is so sore from hours of gymnastics the day before.

Her goals in life are still the same. Get married, have five kids, and live on a ranch in Montana with lots of animals especially dogs. She adores dogs and spent a whole afternoon crying her eyes out after seeing an especially cute puppy at the feed store here in town. She knew with all her heart that dog belonged with her. I am excited about her future FOR her! I will be so happy to see her living on a ranch one day with doggies running everywhere.

She's got a red-head temper and can slam doors, wail, and make drama like a true professional. Thankfully it passes quickly and we have our sweet girl back usually before we can even figure out exactly why she is flipping out.  Camden and I have learned not to look at each other during her "displays of emotion" because we laugh and that doesn't help things. Blake is learning there is no talking to her during this time and that if slamming her door helps her feel better well she can just slam the door. Once. Hope's learned once better be all it takes to make her feel better.

Hope is very excited about her little brother that's on his way. She talks to him, sings to him, massages him out of my ribs, shakes him awake, smells his package of diapers we bought like they have the scent of flowers, and squeals and oohs and aahs over all things baby. She is learning lots about pregnancy, labor and delivery, and breastfeeding. I think she's pretty much got it figured out until she does something like puts a soccer ball in her shirt and then yanks it out screaming, "Oh my gosh! My uterus!!" Then I wonder if maybe she isn't just really confused.

She loves leggings and skinny jeans and gymnastic clothes. For her birthday dinner she requested "chicken tacos, rice, and sour cream...lots and lots of sour cream." Her hair drives her crazy but she tries hard to take care of it because she knows her daddy loves her curls.

I am looking forward to this next year with my best girl. My little helper, my entertainer, my red-hair beauty. Words truly cannot express how very grateful I am that she is my daughter.

Happy Birthday Destiny Hope!