Destiny Hope is 13!

Our baby girl is a teenager!! I think when you're the baby of the family for 10 years, you have the right to keep the title for the rest of your life, even if you do have to share it with your youngest brother. But our fiery Hope is definitely no longer a baby, or even a little girl. As I see her entering this new season of life, I feel like I am re-living my own middle school years again. How vividly I remember all of the emotions! These aren't easy years, baby girl, so I want to share some thoughts with you as you enter your teenage years... 

You are already figuring out that everyone isn't always going to like you. And pretty much no one will like you 100% of the time. Sometimes you will feel left out, you will feel ignored, or you will feel inferior. And it will hurt deep. But I pray that you remember that God made you to love people well. So when you feel like you are NOT being loved well, go find someone that appears to feel like you do and focus on helping them to feel better. 

You will also find out that you can be mean. You will discover that you can say harsh words, give haughty expressions, and cause others to feel embarrassed or belittled. You will see that sometimes prideful behavior can elevate you. But I pray hard that the Holy Spirit won't let you get away with it. I pray His conviction will hunt you down like the world's best hound dog.

You will want a boyfriend, and probably get one eventually. I don't know what you will learn from this boy exactly, because I don't know what kind of boy you will choose. But here's my advice to you: make sure he knows your daddy. Not because Daddy has a gun over the fireplace or a metal bat in the garage (because he doesn't), but because Daddy has a pastoral heart and I've seen more than a few boys (and men) learn to love Jesus in a bigger way just by being around him.

You will have days that you don't like me or your Dad. Sometimes it will be because Daddy and I are being jerks, and sometimes it will be because we are being good parents. But I want you to know that either way you have an opportunity every time you are mad at us. You have the opportunity to extend grace. I want to teach you more about grace. Grace is taking a step towards restoration. I see you as a person capable of much grace because you are a forgiver. You get mad fast with your red-headed temper, but you forgive just as quickly. People that forgive quickly are people of grace. You didn't get that from me, so I admire it so much in you. And that's why I want to encourage you to continue growing in that by doing Daddy and I the honor of extending us grace even when we don't deserve it.

You have the opportunity to teach your brothers about girls. You have the responsibility of helping to prepare them for their future wives and daughters. Pray about what that means for you. I think it's something powerful. And know that because that is part of your calling right now, that the enemy is going to try to steal it from you. He is going to try to put up walls between you and your brothers. He's going to want you to be irritated by them, and them by you. Fight hard against that. Your brothers are a gift, and you are a gift to them.

You are like your dad, your Grammy, and a little bit like your Aunt Miranda. I tell everyone you're my opposite, but I know that's not true in every way. You and Camden are both dreamers like me. Maybe it's because I've taught you to be that way, or maybe not. But I want you to keep sharing your dreams with me. You know how you want to be a vet? And you want to work with small AND large animals, but you found out that you can't do that many places? Then you found out you could do it in Alaska. So now you want to move to Alaska. You got that from me, baby girl. You'll move to Alaska before you give up your dream. Stay that way. Forever. And I will cheer you all the way to Alaska. I give you my word.

Everything in life is going to seem like such a BIG DEAL. It's because you're a girl, you're 13, and you just have that kind of personality. You are sassy, stubborn, and dramatic. But please know that life is made up of so very many seasons. They come and they go. I want you to learn how to live big picture. I want you to learn how to live true to your convictions and your calling. I want you to learn how to ask God who you are and ask Him what He thinks about you. I don't want you to change for anyone but Jesus. I want you to be considerate about other people's feelings but not controlled by them. I want you to be you and do your thing and sing your song and walk your walk and laugh your laugh and cry your tears. I want you to do it all and not feel like you have to measure up to anyone's definition of what a girl or woman should be. No boxes for you, baby girl. Live Free.

Happy Birthday to my favorite daughter! I love you mucho!  

Season Change

No one can say the Davis family gets stuck in ruts. We seem to like change. In just under two months, we will be making our ELEVENTH move in SIXTEEN years of marriage. We are staying in Guatemala!! But we ARE moving out of Magdalena. Everyone in the family (well the four of us that are older than two years old) could write completely different blogs about this upcoming move, but here is my perspective. 

When we came to Guatemala, a little over four years ago, we came as teams directors in charge of the short term teams, semester students, and summer staff that come alongside our full time staff throughout the year. We spent the first six months learning Spanish, adapting to culture, and Blake worked with the director doing many different things as he learned the ins and outs of the ministry. Then for the next year we got to really do our job as teams directors. I was in charge of cooking for teams (when they weren’t eating with their host families), and I also really enjoyed working with the semester students and summer staff. Twenty-one months into our time here, Blake became the director  soon after Logan was born. For those first several months, Blake was neck deep into that transition, while I was equally as deep in baby land. When Logan was 11 months old, we found out about Grayson, and 3 weeks later he joined our family. The next several months I was drowning in babies. Happily drowning most of the time, but still completely consumed. 

Last August (nine months ago), I had a whole day home alone with just Grayson. He still napped twice a day, so I had plenty of time to spend with the Lord. Towards the end of the day, while I was praying, I felt Him speak to my heart and show me that I was entering into a season that would be more restful, and that I needed to soak it in because it would be temporary. I felt Him impress upon my heart that a change was coming in the future, and it would mean a big change for me, personally. As I wrote out the thoughts I was sensing in my journal, I felt no dread. I felt excitement, and a sense of wonder that the Lord was willing to walk with me so intimately. I spent the next several months praying and searching for what God had next for me. It hasn’t been an easy season, even though it has been more restful. Waiting for God, feeling the stirring but not having specifics, thinking I knew and then having doors shut….it was frustrating on occasion, confusing often, and constantly humbling. I have felt at times like Jacob who was struggling with the angel of the Lord and finally clung to him and said, “I won’t let go until you bless me!” The blessing I wanted was direction. I have been desperate for His leading.

As a reminder, Camden and Hope started at an English speaking, Christian school in January. It has been everything we hoped for and more. They went from begging us to move back to the States, to, a few weeks ago, asking us to promise them that we wouldn’t leave Guatemala until they graduated from high school. My gratitude overflows. We have a missionary discount at the school, and in return, I have to volunteer a certain amount of hours each semester. Besides the long drive to get there and back, I have thoroughly enjoyed doing my volunteer hours. In fact, I have put in several more than what is required. 

There was one day that I spent volunteering that will be forever imprinted in my memory. I was substituting for the 4 year old preschool class. It was chapel day, and I was sitting on the front row with all my little students for the day, and all of the other elementary classes were filing in with their teachers. All of a sudden I got this feeling. A specific sense from the Holy Spirit that I have only felt three other times in my life. I just KNEW that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I felt a peace and a purpose that I can’t put into words. I realized that I loved the school not just for what it was doing for MY kids, but for what it was doing for every kid on the campus. I felt a passion for missionary kids well up inside of me that I knew could have only come from the Lord. 

There are dozens of details between then and now, but God has been opening doors and leading our hearts, and confirming Himself to us in some amazing ways. In July, we will be moving to a neighborhood very close to the school. Then, in August, I will begin teaching one Bible class a day at the school in either the middle school or high school (this part of the plan is still in the works so we will have to keep you posted). Besides the opportunity to teach a class, I will also be working to finish my Bachelor’s degree online through Luther Rice College and Seminary.

The big kids are thrilled that they will live close to the school, and have the opportunity to participate in after school activities like sports and drama. Right now they spend 2 - 3 hours a day commuting to school and back depending on traffic. In addition, the neighborhood, where we will live, has several other families with kids from their school, so they are very excited about that as well. For Blake, this move will cause him to have to carry the burden of the 2-3 hour a day commute. He won’t be able to come home and grab lunch, or ask me to run something up to him, or have me be a consistent part of the work and ministry here in Magdalena. He feels confident that God is moving us in this way, but he is also aware of the personal sacrifice. The big kids and I are aware of that too, and are so thankful for his willingness to do this for his family.

 For me, I am excited and scared. In our 16.5 years of marriage, I have leaned on Blake more than I like to admit. In our years in Dallas/Fort Worth, Brownsville, and Guatemala when I started feeling overwhelmed with all going on in ministry, I withdrew, I buried myself into my home and my children, and I let Blake carry the load of our calling. I depended on his ability to persevere, to continue to hear God’s command to stay, and to find joy and passion even when it was hard. But this…. this new season of me teaching AND being a student… these are MY callings. I’m going to have to “grow up” and learn and practice, for myself, what I have watched Blake walk out for the past decade and a half. I will have to practice perseverance, staying, and finding joy and passion even when it’s hard. Blake told me last week, in a tone that didn’t make me feel belittled, “You’re going to have be willing to have your character stretched.” One thing I keep replaying in my mind is something our friend Gabe said a few weeks ago, “If you have an opportunity and it scares you, then it’s probably God.” 

So that’s where we are at… Blake will continue to direct the ministry of Students International Guatemala, and the kids and I will be pouring our time into school… for me that is two schools - online school as a student and at CAG as a teacher. 

We humbly and earnestly ask for your prayers. We have learned by experience that they make a difference. Pray that God binds our hearts together even as our paths are a little more distanced from each other. Pray that we will fulfill God’s calling on our lives and bring Him glory in this season, and that we keep Him first always. 

Failure is a Step

I always tried to be careful not to be too "rah rah homeschooling" during the 9.5 years of  our homeschool career. Even though I felt pretty confident that we would homeschool all the way through, I didn't want to have to eat my words, and I also didn't want to offend anyone, and I ALSO didn't want to indirectly talk anyone into homeschooling that wouldn't do a good job of it. So although there were times I talked about why I loved it FOR US, I tried never to advertise that it was some amazing or "better" avenue of education. 

And here I am, no longer a homeschool mom. The last two and a half years of homeschooling were not fun or wonderful or any other positive word you could come up with. And the last year was horrible. It was pull your hair out, bang your head on the wall, gouge your eyes out horrible. There were several times last semester I called Blake at work just to say, " I can't. I can't. I CAN'T!!!!", in a decibel level not recommended for over the phone. I was miserable. Camden and Hope were miserable. Blake was at a loss, and every idea he came up with was only met by a death stare from his miserable wife (that's me). I don't know why we failed. I don't know if it was all on me. I don't know if it was my kids, and even the best homeschool moms I know would have thrown in the towel if they were forced to home educate my two. I don't know if it was because we live in Guatemala. I don't know if it was adding two babies to the family. But we most certainly hit a wall that we could not climb over, go around, or dig under. I know, because we tried it all. When God (through generous churches and individuals) provided a way of escape for us all I was so relieved and happy that those emotions clouded out any other thoughts or feelings. I was free. 

Camden and Hope have completed 12 days of school. They love it. They swear to never homeschool their children even for one day. (Thank you, my dear ones, for appreciating the fact that I gave 9.5 years of my life to educating you. Please forget the 7 fun years we had and focus just on these last two and a half years of torture. I think I will do the same, you stubborn, difficult angels.) I spoke with one of their teachers yesterday who hesitantly told me, after giving two specific praises (very diplomatic), that they are having a hard time focusing and being organized. I wanted to applaud her. I wanted to fall on my knees and hug her around the ankles. "I KNOW, RIGHT!?!!"  "Now please tell me how I can help you fix this because that is why they are now sitting in YOUR classroom and not MY living room." Hallelujah. 

Today and tomorrow they are off of school. A four day weekend. As I have them under the same roof with me today, on a week day, I am struck all of a sudden with all kinds of new questions and new feelings. Why did it not work for us? Why can some moms raise and homeschool a half a dozen or more of their own offspring with grace and competency. These children flourish into young teenagers that laugh at how easy the SAT is, speak Latin, play three instruments, know the New Testament by memory, and never disrespect their parents. I read the books. I tried so hard. I prayed. I sacrificed. Why did I fail?  Maybe I wasn't smart enough. Maybe it's because I didn't put enough hours into preparation and teaching. Maybe it's because I lack creativity and have even greater lack of any kind of desire to clean up after creativity. Maybe it's because my temper is too short or I am always dreaming about the future instead of living in the moment. Maybe it's because I didn't do a good enough job when they were little that now I am reaping the consequences with middle schoolers that are disorganized, unfocused, and unmotivated. Maybe it's probably all of those things. And so I'm rolling around in that today. Rolling around in my failures like a big ole stinky pig rolling around in the mud. I failed. I did. But glory, glory, hallelujah to a gracious God, He threw me a lifeline. He gave us Christian Academy of Guatemala and a group of teachers to help us help our two big kids succeed and be the best they can be.

 I want to say that I am so, so proud of my homeschool mom friends...some of my very best friends homeschool their children. They've been my saving grace the last two years, and I pray that I will be that for them on their toughest days. And you know what else? I am going to intentionally be their biggest cheerleader when they succeed even where and when I did not. I never want my failures to make me resent my friends' successes. Ever. 

As I write this blog this evening, I am determining to pull myself out of this funk. I'm purposing to forgive myself for not meeting my goal of graduating my children from homeschooling. I'm giving myself permission to wake up tomorrow and go back to not feeling guilty for how deliriously happy I am that Camden and Hope are in school. And last of all I am making a decision to grow from this area of failure. This is what I feel like this specific failure has given me.

1. Failure has made me more compassionate. Did you disappoint yourself? Let me hug you, and will you hug me back? Did you realize that parenting little kids was a heck of a lot easier than parenting pre-teens and teenagers? Come share a brownie with chocolate icing with me and we'll commiserate together. Do you fear that you'll never really succeed at anything? Let's cry together about that because I fear the same on a pretty regular basis. 

I want my failure to make me more approachable, to make me a better listener, and to make me give longer hugs.

2. Failure makes me more dependent on Jesus. I can't be that mom that says, "Thank you Jesus that I'm not like those other moms." Thanks to the last two and a half years I completely identify as one of those "other moms." I have fallen short. I have needed help. I have not had everything that my children needed to thrive. And because of that I have spent many hours begging Jesus for His help and for Him to send help. In the last year, more than any other time in my life, I have come to Him pleading with Him from a desperate heart and then found myself minutes later quietly sitting in His presence feeling ministered to by His quiet voice in my heart. There is nothing, nothing sweeter than having somewhere to turn when you are at the end of yourself. 

3. Failure sets you up for success. One thing that I feel absolutely certain of is that God wanted Camden and Hope at Christian Academy of Guatemala. I just have a peace about that, a knowing, an excited expectancy. There is something He wants to do in their hearts that will happen at or because of something at that school. A teacher, a speaker, a chapel service, a situation, a challenge, who knows? But there will be God things that happen in their hearts in this season. Another thing I know for absolute certain is that we would never have put them in this school if things hadn't gotten really, really tough. I wanted to homeschool and I did NOT want to fundraise for the tuition. So....if God wanted them at this school then it kind of makes sense that maybe He had to allow things to get really, really tough for us to ask Him for an answer, for help, for a way of escape. It took desperate measures for us to allow God the opportunity to lead us to CAG. This isn't the first time in our lives that really tough situations put us on the path for something beautiful. It's kind of been a pattern. So if you're in a time of wondering about the mess you find yourself in, have hope. God's pretty amazing at ushering in new seasons, at redeeming our circumstances, and healing our hearts. 

So have faith!  We are in this together, I'm on your side, Jesus is closer than your next breath, and failure doesn't have to be as awful as it sounds. 

A Big Prayer for A Big Change for our Big Kids

We have been going to a new church plant here in Guatemala. One of their missions as a church is to help missionaries to stay on the field. The pastors were missionaries here for five years, and they know. They know sometimes it is hard to stay. I have often thought that God's strong calling on my life to the mission field as a preteen wasn't near as much so that I would go, as it was so that I would stay. Sometimes the staying is harder than the going. I was sharing with the assistant pastors of our new church the other day about why I and my big kids are in a season of staying being hard, and our friend Nate said to me, "I've heard a saying that a mother is only as happy as her most unhappy child". How true that is! That is why I am having to rely on that calling as a middle schooler to carry me through right now. Because I've got two children that are struggling; two children that spend a lot of their time unhappy. 

Camden has struggled from the beginning. It has never been easy for him here although he has had times that are better than others. He lives for the one week missionary kids camp that happens every summer.  My heart broke a little when he came home from camp this year and said to me, "I like myself at camp, Mom. People like me. I am a good person. I'm even kind of cool." Blake and I were talking the other day about our own childhoods, our teenage years specifically. Although we come from wonderful families, it wasn't inside our home that we discovered who we were and about what we were passionate. It wasn’t inside of our homes where we both had experiences that fueled our callings to full time ministry. It wasn’t (just) inside our homes that we received important teaching and mentorship from adults who cared for us. These things happened outside of our homes. It was in our youth group and youth camps. It was on mission trips and volunteer work in which we participated. It was in youth small groups, sports, choir, church drama, and evangelism conferences. It was outside of our home where so much of our character and passion for God was cultivated. So for Camden to say this after camp, although hard to hear, made perfect sense to us. He is missing out on so many of the things that were available for Blake and I, and he is lacking things that need to be found outside of just home and outside of just his parents.  

Hope has been our little adapter. Less than three months ago I wrote in her birthday blog about how she has become so much a part of the community where we live. We were proud of her confidence. But in the past three months life has become difficult for her as well. Before we knew it she had become Camden's little emotional side kick asking us often if we can move back to the States, and asking how on earth she is going to live here for at least 3.5 more years. And as they've joined forces in their complaints the negative feelings start to feed off each other and spread throughout our home, and well it's just not a pleasant season in our house a lot of the time these days. This is the honest truth of our family right now. I want to be real because the body of Christ is a family, and we all struggle and we need each other. We need each other to be authentic, and we need each other to be supportive. 

With two in the family struggling, Blake and I got serious in seeking the Lord for His guidance. We began to rehash the idea of checking into the Christian missionary school in Guatemala City. We had considered it for this year a few months ago, but it felt too overwhelming. We have had them with us since birth. Sending them to school would mean them being away from us for nine hours a day. It would mean a lot of driving for us each day. It would mean fundraising for the tuition. It would mean trusting them to be responsible with their own school work, and allowing for a whole lot of influence that would be outside of our control as parents. All of that seemed like just too much, so we dismissed the idea. But in the past couple of months we began praying about it again. We know that our kids need more than we can give them inside our home. They need space to learn who they are, have relationships with other English speaking kids, be taught and mentored by Christian men and women that are not their parents, and develop some habits and responsibilities that they haven't had to learn as a homeschoolers in our family. As we prayed, we began to see their needs as greater than the challenges presented by sending them to the Christian school. We went last week and visited the school. We met with the director and principal, and felt immediately full of peace. I could feel the excitement growing in my kids as the director talked specifically to them about his desire to see his students grow spiritually, build good friendships, and prepare academically for college. Having someone else speaking to my children in a way that motivated them and encouraged them meant so much to me that I wanted to get up and hug this man I had just met right in the middle of the meeting. I realized that maybe I need this school as much as my kids do. 

So our plan is for Camden and Hope to go to this school next school year, or maybe even this coming January. For both kids to attend, tuition and transportation costs will be about $6,000 a year total. This is not in our budget, so we are going to have to do some extra fundraising. Half of the reason for this blog is for that purpose. We need extra financial supporters. I want to be honest with where we are to show that we did not come to this decision lightly. We don't add in things that would cause the need for extra finances carelessly. Raising support is part of our calling as missionaries, and we feel responsible to the Lord with it as much as we do the ministry and serving part of being missionaries. But this feels necessary for our children. It feels necessary for our family. We both believe that our children are our most important ministry and our primary calling. So after you read this, would you please pray with us? Pray for God to provide the money needed for Camden and Hope to go to school. If you would like to help us with this need, we are posting a link below that will take you to our donation page. 

The other half of the reason for this blog is because I want to be an encouragement to all of you parents out there...specifically moms. I know it's not just missionary wives that feel alone in their parenting sometimes. It's not just homeschooling moms either. It's all of us. Being responsible for raising children into Godly, responsible, and compassionate adults is overwhelming. And the fact that we love these people more than we love ourselves but have to ultimately allow them to make their own decisions is just plain scary most of the time. Trusting God to take care of their hearts and to fill in where we fall short is the biggest challenge we will ever face. I hope my honesty helps you to feel normal. If you, like me, have come to the realization that you can’t be everything for your children, know that you’re not alone. I’m right there with you. Reaching out for help isn’t shameful, it is being brave. Our kids need us to be brave more than they need us to try to be perfect. We need God, and we need each other. Your kids need other people, and you know what?! - other people’s kids need you! Take advantage of whatever community you can find. If being on the mission field has taught me anything, it has taught me the value of community.

In summary, thank you to all of you who have been community to us. Thank you for loving us, and for being a part of the work we are doing here in Magdalena, Guatemala. Thank you for helping us stay. We love you. 

Donation Page: http://stint.com/donate/donation/?id=s79812

Camden is 14

I have a little more pressure this year since Camden is on Facebook. He will be able to read this. :)

I love celebrating Camden's birthday, and thinking about the day he was born. All of my memories of being pregnant with him, and having him, and him being a baby are so vivid. He was the first. There were no distractions, and nothing as important as my baby. He was high needs and high energy. But my word he was so, so cute. His long eye lashes and big blue eyes with the mischieveous glint. We adored him. Blake and I, just 20 and 21, would fight over him sometimes...who got to hold him, who got to buckle him in his car seat, who got to play with him while the other one cooked or cleaned. He was our world, and he brought us even closer. This shared little person that exhausted us and enchanted us. 

He has calmed waaayyyy down since then "gloria a Dios". He is, even what I would consider, laid back. He stays calm in tense situations and rarely raises his voice. He is rational and consistent. He isn't moody. He can make split second decisions in chaos, and almost every time they are the perfect decisions. He doesn't get all bent out of shape when someone corrects him, and doesn't take things personally or get embarrassed easily. He got these things from his dad. They are assets. 

He is also an active listener. He is good at helping people process things. If I want to talk something out and if it's something appropriate for a 14 year old boy, I'm learning he is a good person to go to. He brings up good points. He is nonjudgmental and seeks to understand. He enjoys talking about abstract things, goals, what ifs, the deeper things below the surface, and he thinks the "why" behind something is just as important as the something. He got these things from me. They are assets. 

I look forward to what else the next several years brings to the surface in him. His uniqueness. His traits that are completely his own that make us say, "Wow! Where did he get that wisdom? That stubbornness. Those ideas. Those opinions." I'm bracing myself for the reality that he is going to surprise us. To mystify us. To freak us out. I want to be ready to be surprised because I want to be prepared to cheer on his uniqueness. I want to be willing to support his ideas, even if they aren't my preference. I want to be quick to listen to his opinions and slow to squelch his stubbornness. 

Camden has been in a hard season. He doesn't love living in Magdalena. He is figuring out who he is, in a culture that he thinks is a lot of what he is not. He has to fight for joy. Fight for peace. Fight for a good attitude. But he is fighting. He is learning persistence. He is learning acceptance. He is learning to make the best of a situation that he did not choose. These things he is has to learn himself. And although part of me wishes I could just make it easy for him, I know in my heart....these lessons he is learning....They are assets. 

Destiny Hope is 12

Twelve years old means one more year that I can say I have a little girl. Next year she will be a teenager. She can't wait. I remember that so well. I would have skipped twelve if I could have, and just went right on to the glorious age of thirteen. But I'm anticipating good things for Hope's twelfth year. I for sure don't want her to skip it. I've been looking forward to it all year. The age eleven is a challenging one. Or at least it has been that way with my two that have gone through it so far. I feel pretty excited that we conquered it twice. It feels like an accomplishment for the whole family. This was a crazy year for all of us; Hope included.

She and I lived just over four months in the States while we were in the process of adopting Grayson. That was crazy. Homeschooling while having two babies was crazy. Transitioning to video school which almost doubled our school hours each day was crazy! Being stuck between little girl and teenager is crazy. Being half North American and half Guatemalan is crazy. But all in all, Hope handled crazy pretty well. She had her moments...many of them (as did I), but she has an amazing ability to bounce back quickly. To forgive quickly. To get her happy back quickly. To laugh quickly. To try again quickly. I admire that about her. I'm not near as good at that.

I thought in this year's blog for her I would share a little enlightenment I had in the past couple of months that has and will continue to benefit our relationship. Since moving to Magdalena last summer, Hope has adapted to the culture here in an incredible way. Her Spanish went from almost nothing to being able to comfortably communicate. Her accent (or lack of one depending on how you look at it) is to die for. And she is considered to be a faithful member of the local evangelical church here. She goes to every service that she can...which is usually three evenings a week. She has many friends here now, but her best friend is the girl next door. They are as close as sisters. However, I have to admit that I began wrestling with this friendship. I didn't like that Hope seemed like a different person when she was with all of her local friends here, but with her best friend the time was often spent in our home. This made it very easy for me to observe her. She talked differently, laughed differently, and had different mannerisms. This seemed wrong to me. We should be who we are no matter who we are with, right? I found myself irritated when they were together, and I hated that.

Then a couple of months ago I was watching a video of two guys that each were fluent in multiple languages. They were having a conversation and would switch back and forth effortlessly between the languages. The whole conversation had English subtitles, however, so I was able to follow along. In this conversation the two guys said that the key to becoming fluent in another language is to realize that you have to become a different person with each language. You have to "pretend" that you are a native speaker. You have to mimic the personality of the language: the accent, the mannerisms, the inflections, the facial movements and expressions. You have to do your best to think and behave as if you were born in the culture of the language you are speaking. As I listened to them explain this, I was suddenly struck by the fact that this is what Hope has done. This is what Hope is doing.

This is why she seems different with her Magdalenean/Spanish speaking friends. This is why she has learned the language and fits in so well in this "foreign" culture, and has done it in just over a year (and minus four months in the states!). She has had the natural wisdom to know that she has to adapt if she is going to have real relationships, if she is going to be truly accepted, and if she is going to sincerely enjoy these new people in her life. She has put in the hard work to make this place HER world. She isn't going to be a visitor here or an outsider. She isn't going to "get by" or put on a front. She is going to belong, and she is going to do it with all of her heart. And now that I have a new perspective, I REALLY think she is stinkin' cool. She has a gift, and I pray that she uses it for God's glory for the rest of her life.

Destiny Hope is a fireball. She's passionate and opinionated and you never have to wonder what she is thinking. She loves hanging out with her friends here, and skyping her friend Keely in the States. She likes dressing fancy and can't wait to wear make-up. She likes singing, dancing, playing games on her iPad, and cycles through a different hobby obsession every few months. She can do a little bit of everything. As I've said every year, she is so different from me. That can be frustrating from time to time, but normally I'm just inspired by her and a little bit in awe of who she is. I pray that I'm the mom that she needs in the 6 years I have left to raise her.

I pray that I help her understand what, in life, is most important. I pray that I help her continue to learn how to handle her fiery/sassy personality with maturity, without ever making her feel like she needs to squelch it completely. I have no doubt that it's that fiery/sassiness that will cause her to have great influence wherever she goes. And it will also be what continues to make me stand back and say, "Is she really mine?" and "Please, Jesus, can I be a little more like her?" Happy Birthday Hope. I love you super much!

Our Adoption Story.

We started the adoption process on September 14, 2010. We knew that God was calling us to adopt, and felt strongly that we were supposed to sign up to adopt from Ethiopia. The process was supposed to take just over a year. During that year we did lots of paperwork and lots of fundraising. We had garage sales, t-shirt sales, coffee sales, and raffles; all to save up for the expenses down the road that the process would require. We took from our savings account, used our tax refund, and I started taking pictures and teaching piano lessons all to pay the first part of the expenses. By the end of the year we had everything we would need for the entire process all in an account, but we were also disappointed to realize that the wait for a child would be a lot longer than anticipated. Since then, we have changed up our age request, gender request, and even the number of children we were open to, all in an effort to get matched with a child or children. There have been so many times we have been at the top of the list. I've carried my phone around for weeks a time just waiting for our adoption agency to call. Yet there was never a call. At one point, we even tried very hard to adopt an 10 year old boy from the agency's waiting child list. We bought him clothes, picked an American name for him, started cleaning out drawers in Camden's room, and then at the last minute our social worker decided she wouldn't approve us to adopt a child of that age. That was a very discouraging day.
Twice we have been put on hold with our agency. Once when we moved to Guatemala, and then again when we got pregnant with Logan. Both times while we were on hold, the process would pick up and we would see families below us receive children that would have been ours had we not been on hold. Then as soon as we would be eligible again, the process would halt.
For the past several months, we have sat at the top of the list once again, and once again the phone has been silent.
Then, in late August, on a Friday afternoon, we received an email from our agency letting us know that they were having financial difficulties in their Ethiopia program, and asking the waiting families to help them fundraise. As I read that email, something just changed for me. For so long, I had felt God telling us to wait and be patients, and all of a sudden I felt Him speak to me to pray for a new word from Him. Blake felt the same way after reading the email. Over the weekend, we spent a lot of time asking God to speak to us, and by the end of the weekend we both felt that God had shown us that He had called us to the Ethiopia adoption process to keep us in a holding place until a "divine appointment." We struggled with that for a couple of days. "Would God call us to something that He was never planning to complete?" And the answer we came up with, was that God could call us to anything He wants for whatever purpose He wants. He is God. We surrendered to whatever God had for us, and found a peace that was beyond explanation. We both felt that God was still going to bring us a child through adoption, but we were no longer certain it would be from Ethiopia. In the weeks ahead, we started the process to become Guatemalan residents knowing that we could adopt a child from Guatemala once that process was complete. We thought that, maybe, this was how God was going to bring us our child.
Then out of nowhere, I received a Facebook message on September 11 about a baby that was going to be born in Texas in October that would need a family to adopt him. My heart immediately started racing as I read the email. "Was this our "divine appointment?" "Was this little boy the reason God called us to adopt five years ago?" "Was this why no matter how hard we tried, we could never seem to get matched with a child from Ethiopia?"
We spent the next two days praying, talking to an attorney, and daring to hope that this would be our baby. We were told that we would be the family, but as everyone knows these things fall through every day. I'd like to say I sang worship songs and walked around with the faith of Abraham, but the honest truth is I barely slept, my eyes twitched on an annoyingly regular basis, and I broke out in hives. I was a MESS!! Then last Friday I got a call that our baby boy was on his way. Logan and I left early the next morning, and twenty four hours after his birth I was able to hold Grayson Samuel in my arms.

(the first time I held Grayson)

      (Godly, beautiful women that are a part of Grayson's story. Forever honorary Grandmas and aunt)

  (Good friends, adoptive parents, notarized one hundred documents for us over the past five years,   and always, always encouragers.) 

Twenty-four hours after that, he was released to me, and I was sitting at my favorite BBQ place eating a chopped beef sandwich that I was too nervous to taste. I was waiting for my phone to ring to let me know the relinquishment papers had been signed. It was the longest half hour of my life. But the phone eventually rang, and I found out that this baby boy would be ours. And just like I had been told by so many others that have waited for years to adopt, I knew with all of my heart that Grayson Samuel was worth every minute of the five year wait. I still can't believe that we have him. This is better than we ever imagined. Grayson is more than we ever hoped for. We love him so much.
Some of Grayson's story is just that: Grayson's story. We want him to know some of the most intimate details, and give him the ability to choose how and to whom those details are shared. Then there are other details that we will share with those who sit across from us face to face. Details that are more private, but also incredible.
But it is also important for us to testify of the faithfulness of God. There were so many times we wondered if we had heard God wrong. We wondered why God was completing adoptions for everyone but us (so it seemed sometimes). We wondered if maybe we weren't worthy enough to raise someone else's child. God was silent and still, when we felt like He should have been loud and aggressive....parting the sea and fulfilling what He said He would do.
But now we know, God was never silent and still. He knew what He was doing. He knew that we needed to raise the money for this adoption BEFORE we were living on financial support on the mission field. We could not have done all that we did to fundraise for this adoption from Guatemala. And we definitely couldn't have done it in the three weeks between finding out about Grayson and his birth. Because we had the money already sitting and waiting in an account, we were able to say YES without the concern of where we would get the finances. AMAZING! To all of you reading this that helped us raise that money, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. You will always be a part of Grayson's story. To those of you who prayed, listened to us complain, heard me be completely unspiritual and didn't preach to me, asked us how the adoption process was going, let us know you hadn't forgotten.... THANK YOU! For us, you will always be a part of OUR story. You are why we didn't give up.

                                                        (We are in LOVE with his hair!!)
     
And we publicly thank our God who calls us to things that seem so awesome, but down the road can be so hard...for us it's adoption, but also raising children, homeschooling, moving to the mission field in Central America, fundraising for our support, leading a staff from two different cultures, working with the poor, working with short-term teams, mentoring college students... He called us to all of it. God's calling takes sacrifice, but it's a fun adventure. So listen when God wants to speak, and don't give up when He is silent, and don't despair when it's hard. We can say with renewed faith, He WILL come through!

                              

                                  Our family is FINALLY complete!! Look what God has done!!