Camden Bailey is 13

 I have probably told this story in a former birthday blog, but I'm going to tell it again. When he was about four years old I told Blake I wanted us both to write down five traits we wanted to do our best to develop in our son. We spent a few minutes quietly writing and then read each other our lists. He read first, then I read. After I read my list Blake said, "So in other words you want to make our son into a woman." After getting over being highly offended I accepted what he said as a new reality. I was going to need to choose my battles. And I was going to need to choose wisely. I have had to give in on some things. He watches movies with his dad that I want to say no to, he says "crap" when he's mad, he plays video games, and he eats a total of 2 vegetables: lettuce with ranch and raw carrots with ranch. Two nights ago I sat and watched him and Blake with their knives acting out how they would stab someone if they were attacked. I was horrified. And I told them so. And they laughed. And then I laughed too. My poor, poor list.....

This year has been the biggest year of change for him so far. He has become a leader, an initiator, a decision maker, a protector. Somehow over the last year I have realized that when Blake's not around and we have to go out: grocery shopping, market shopping, running errands...he takes the lead. He tells me the best place to park, he talks me through the nerve wracking driving of ridiculous narrow roads, aggressive chicken busses, swerving motorcycles, and sudden street processionals. His calm voice and no non-sense commands have gotten me out of more messes than I count. He leads the way through town, taking different routes depending on what he sees ahead. I don't know how it happened, but in many ways we suddenly have another man in the family.

Camden has recently joined a soccer team here in Magdalena. They don't practice and have one game on Saturdays. Best league ever. ;) It's his first step into entering the culture here in Magdalena. Where his sister leaps head first into new experiences...he crawls....slowly. So far, the boys from the team here are much kinder than the ones in the Antigua league that we tried, and I pray that it stays that way. I want him to stick this out, to succeed, to acclimate. I want to push him sometimes, and other times I want to fiercely protect his cautiousness.

Although he hasn't become Guatemalan by any stretch of the imagination, he likes it here. He says if he could choose for us to move back to the states, he would not choose it. We spent September thru December in the states last year and he was very ready to get back "home" here in Guatemala. He loves our new house. He loves his bigger room and his desk that his PaPa made him. He misses his friend from our neighborhood in Antigua though. They played together every day. And he misses his best friend Noah that moved back to the states. He is a one or two best friends kind of guy. I'm naturally that way too. It can be a problem.

There is a hiking trail behind our house. It goes to the top of the mountain and takes about an hour. He loves it. He's good at it. He goes any time he gets the chance, and feels like he is ready to lead teams up there. I fear for him when we let him go up with teams (and another leader ;)). I know he wants to show how "pro" he is, and I imagine the terribleness that could happen if he decides to show off without thinking. So far a little blood and skinned up legs and hands has been the worst of it.

 He loves the teams side of our job...particularly semester students and summer staff...college kids that are here for 2-4 months. He is all over that. Scooting his chair around the same table. Talking to them for as long as they listen. Laughing at their jokes. Talking about them after they've gone. I don't think they realize the influence they have on him. I'm grateful for this facet of our life here. Grateful for these people that enter our lives and give Camden real life examples of young people that are fun but have hearts to serve the Lord and others.

He enjoys working with the sports site when he gets a chance. He got to ride a public chicken bus with the sports site the other day and has talked about it a dozen times since then. He's the first in the family to do it. He might be the last as well. I'd rather not ever do it. He had an injury one day when playing soccer with the sports site. He got to wear a knee brace for eight days. Hope was green with jealousy.

He starts seventh grade on Monday. He loves Science. He gets it. I don't. He should be the teacher. He is really, really into comics/super heros/marvel/DC comics... He knows all the characters and their stories. He and Blake watch two shows: Flash and Arrow...an episode of each every night or so. Hope and I stay in the room with them, but we play on the ipad. Or watch episodes of 19 and counting with headphones.

He is a picky eater, but he at least has matured enough to feel bad about it. He likes my hot sauce. It's his main source of vegetables. I try to make it a lot. He eats cereal and granola bars between meals. He eats about 7 times a day right now. He drinks chocolate milk with our milk when it goes sour. It's awesome. Milk goes bad fast here, but I never have to throw it out. It's a win/win.
He's 5'3 now and 90 pounds. He's grown so, so much since January. But he's still skin and bones with a little bit of muscle. He loves to show all of us how his ribs stick out when he sucks his stomach in. He prides himself for being the skinniest in the family. Hope, Blake and I all tell him we despise him when he scarfs down 7 pieces of pizza or 8 chicken tacos. And all of us have declined his offer to be our personal trainer.

Lastly I have to write about what an amazing brother he is. He and Logan are buddies already. They adore each other. Camden says that we have to have to, have to, move to Texas when he goes back to the states for college or work. He says that we must live close enough for him to come get Logan for the day whenever he wants. Doesn't that just make your heart squeeze? Logan has been the perfect set up for so many conversations on him becoming a man, a dad, and a husband one day. I have tried hard to ask more questions and give less opinions when those conversations come up. I want to help him think about the man, dad, and husband he wants to be.  My goal is to cheer him on in his decisions, not manipulate him into mine. I've torn up my list. And I'm definitely okay with that. I like who he is becoming.

Destiny Hope is 11

Oh my Destiny Hope....just this morning Blake and I were asking each other again, "Where did this girl come from?" She has no fear here in our new town. No intimidation. No need to slowly acclimate. She acts as if she were born and raised here. 

Yesterday she wanted to go work in the school next door for awhile, so took off after breakfast and was gone for 3 hours. She came back at lunch eating some pan dulce (sweet bread) she had bought from a bread store close by. After checking in, she headed to the playground, and then over to a friend's house one street over. She forgot to let me know she was leaving the playground and heading to a friend's, and an hour later when I realized she wasn't at the playground I ran around in a panic yelling her name over and over before thinking to call this particular friend's parents. Sure enough she was there. I scolded her and told her she needed to be home by 5:30. She returned on time, eating two cooked potatoes and holding two raw potatoes in a bag. I asked her where she had gotten them and she said, "I bought them from a vegetable stand, and then I peeled and microwaved them at Molly's house." 

So she didn't eat lunch or dinner at home. She bought her own food from right off the side of the road for both meals. Blake told me this morning, "I'm proud of her fearlessness, but right now I'm more scared of it than proud." 
It's hard to know how to handle her sometimes. To teach her common sense and awareness of danger without squelching her bold and adventurous spirit. To teach her to be respectful and kind without eliminating all her sassiness that makes her so wild and fun.

She has friends all over the town right now. We can't walk far without hearing kids of all ages yell out, "Hola Esperanza!!" The boys secretly call her "Leon" (Lion) because of her hair. She has a boy that is adamantly wanting her for a girlfriend...but he also runs away when he sees her so we're not to worried about him yet... She says he's too short for her anyway. ha!
She has started spending time with our woman's social work sewing group once a week. She shares the sewing machines with a group of amazing women who are learning skills to support their family. They teach her what they know, and brag on her fast learning when they see me.

Her Spanish has grown by leaps and bounds the past two months. She has become best friends with the girl next door, and they spend hours together just about every day. Early this morning this friend and her big sister set off fireworks outside her window...a tradition here in Guatemala. It scared the beetle juice out of all of us, but Hope came running down the stairs with a huge smile and ran out of the house to greet her birthday celebrators. Life is a party and today's party is all about her.

She is preteen girl already in every sense of the word. Moody and emotional and dramatic. She makes me want to pull my hair out at least once a day. The hours she is calm and rational, she's one of my favorite people to hang out with though. She is a really good communicator and good at telling stories and expressing her thoughts.

She continues to love her baby brother, but doesn't have as much time for him and often isn't very patient. I don't know if she knows it, but Logan would take Camden over her any day. But he doesn't dislike her either, and she will still do things to help with him that Camden won't....like change diapers and get him dressed. She tolerates her big brother just barely. I wish I could say they are best friends....but well that would be a hilarious exaggeration.

She still likes dancing and singing and gymnastics along with her new hobby of sewing. She loves being around people (the more the better), playing games, shopping, puppies, and being in the middle of any action she can find.

I can't wait to see what this next year holds for her, or better yet what she holds for this next year. Being her mom is like reading a suspenseful book. Each day an adventure, each year more exciting and surprising than the last. Her daddy and I are holding on for quite a ride in the years ahead. It won't be boring, I am certain.

Tonight You are Mine

It's 3AM and I am pacing the floor. My lips pressed against the side of your head and your sparse, fuzzy hair soft against my face. And each time we pass the mirror on the wall in the almost dark room your eyes search for my face and as I see your big wide eyes I think, Was there ever anything more precious than you?"

And I think about how in a year you'll be sleeping through the night (God, please), and in two years you'll pad into our room in the middle of the night and climb in our bed....on Daddy's side, and in eleven years you'll be the age of your brother and sister; craving time with friends, caught between little boy and man. And then will come the teen years which I have no idea about yet, but assume it includes lots more of letting go some more. And then you'll choose a girl to love more than me for the rest of your life. And that's okay. That's what I want for you.

But tonight while the world sleeps, I cherish that you're mine. And that your squirming head and your spitting out the paci every ten seconds, and your random whimpers and grunts are just you're way of keeping yourself awake because you know if you fall asleep that I will put you down. And you don't want that. And really? How precious is that?

So I admit I have one eye on the clock watching precious minutes of sleep slip away, but I know...I can sleep next year. Right now I'll just keep pacing and finally feel your body start to relax, and I'll tiptoe up the stairs, and settle down in the rocking chair in my room and I'll rock. And after just a few more minutes I'll feel your body and hear your breath tell me that you've completely surrendered to sleep, and then as crazy as it is I'll keep rocking for many more minutes because you know? I kind of don't want to put you down either.

3 months old

Logan Ryan's Birth Story

On Thursday, 12 days before Logan's due date, we were headed to Lufkin to spend the weekend with Blake's brother and sister in law. I started feeling crampy and was pretty sure that Logan had dropped down lower and that I had dilated a little. During the night that night, I had contractions that woke me up every 15 minutes or so for five hours. But they never got closer together or more intense and by the time I got up they had quit. All day Friday I was crampy and moody and was kind of scared to be around anyone in fear that I would snap someone's head off. On Friday night I once again had about 5 hours of contractions during the night that quit by morning. I texted my midwife and she encouraged me that though they weren't the "real thing" that they were doing something; she just wasn't sure what without checking me. And considering I was 4 hours away checking me wasn't an option. I was feeling really confused and nervous. How would I KNOW when the real thing started? I didn't want to drive four hours for nothing, but I REALLY didn't want to deliver the baby in the car on the side of the road. I was stressed. Saturday morning Blake and I picked up Hope from my sister-in-law, went and ate donuts, and then did some shopping. It was fun and relaxing and I found myself slipping back into a better mood. I had off and on contractions that were growing a little in intensity, and even had to stop and breathe through a couple as we shopped. We went back to my brother in law's house and I changed clothes and sat and talked to my sister in law and best friend while they got the house set up for my baby shower. My baby shower was so much fun. My closest friends growing up were there and most their moms. It was really nice catching up with everyone and great to get so much of the stuff we still needed for the baby and the punch was amazing! I drank a liter of it I think. I was having contractions through the whole shower. They were staying pretty intense. I got to where I was completely focused on them when I was having them and had a hard time trying not to show that I was distracted.

Everyone left from the baby shower, and the guys came back to the house. I decided to start quietly using the contraction app on the phone to time contractions. Everyone was sitting around in the living room visiting and watching Callie our niece be cute and the kids play. All the while I was in my own little world. My contractions were only every 13-15 minutes, but they were starting to be painful. Blake was sitting very close to me and at one point held up the camera in front of us and said "smile" and took the picture below. I was in the middle of a contraction and my smile was more like a teeth gritting than a smile. The picture is awful quality, but it will forever hold a memory from that day.

Just awhile later we were all sitting down to eat pizza for dinner and I had another contraction that hurt even worse. It took all my will power to sit there and act normal. Right after that, the phone rang and it was my midwife. I went to the back room to talk to her, but a contraction hit and I knew I wouldn't be able to talk. So I let the phone ring and breathed through the contraction, and then called her back. I told her that the contractions weren't getting closer together, but that they were hurting worse. I told her I could no longer talk during them. She told me to get on the road. I called Blake back to the room and filled him in. I told him that I still didn't know if it was real or not, and didn't want to make a wasted trip. He immediately said, "We are going, and we are going right now." I reminded him that homemade ice cream was in the process of being made and I knew he would want some, so why didn't we wait until at least after ice cream." He said, "No. We are going now." He said he was going to let his family know and I called after him, "Tell them it's probably not the real thing. We just want to be safe." I really did not want to cause a big stir only to get there and not be in real labor for another week. We got everything together, threw it in the car, and were off. My contractions continued to be every 13 minutes or so and I had to breathe through them. Between contractions we talked and had a really nice, peaceful drive. About 2 hours into the trip we stopped so I could go to the bathroom and Blake could get some ice cream...consolation for missing out on  homemade ice cream. I had a contraction in the bathroom waiting on an open stall and then another one when I got back outside. That started them every 10 minutes and my breathing changed to moaning. They were not fun but luckily I was still getting 10 minutes in between to regroup. I was in communication with my midwife off and on throughout the trip. Around this time she called and Blake answered instead of me and I think that was a red alert to her. She told him she was notifying the birth center and a midwife at the birth center in Grand Prairie so that if we didn't think we could make it to her, we could stop there. Right about the time we needed to exit if we were going to stop at Grand Prairie, I had a contraction and felt this strong urge to lift myself off my seat and move my hips from side to side. I did and felt him slide way down. But feeling determined, I told Blake, "Keep going. Let's try to make it." He agreed and we drove past our exit praying that we wouldn't regret it. At that point my contractions started coming every three to five minutes. When Blake realized how suddenly things were progressing he said adamantly, "Do not move your hips again until we get there!!" About 25 minutes from arrival I started shaking and my teeth started chattering. At this point I knew this was the real thing and that I was more than likely in transition. About 10 minutes later my moaning turned to what was more like grunting and Blake kind of freaked out. We both knew that meant my body was starting to push on its own. He turned on his flashers and started driving faster, but almost immediately a police car u-turned and started coming after us. I looked over at Blake and could read his mind. He wanted to ignore it and keep going. I told him through my grunting/moaning, "STOP! I will be ok!" So he pulled over, rolled down his window, put both of his hands outside the car, stuck his head out and hollered, "My wife is in labor!" The officer walked up to the car, looked at me, (I had my face in my hands and my forehead resting on the window) and asked if we were going to the hospital. Blake told him that we were going to a birthing center 5 minutes away and he said, "Okay. Be careful and congratulations." And we were off again...this time without the flashers and a little slower. :) We pulled into the driveway at the birthing center about 7 minutes later and my midwife ran out to meet us. I went to the bathroom and then she checked me and told me that I was 9 centimeters, completely thinned out, and +4 station. She told me I could get in the tub that was all prepared for me and start pushing. I got in and immediately had a horrible, pushing contraction. I know a lot of women that feel relief during the pushing part. I don't. I HATE it. During the contraction I was wailing that I wasn't ready and I couldn't do it and all other kinds of nonsense. When the contraction ended I felt so very sleepy. I drooped over the side of the tub like a half dead woman, and asked for water. They brought me water, and gave me some kind of homeopathic drops to calm me down, and took my vitals and the baby's. From what I can remember I had two more contractions that I pretty much yelled like a banshee through. My midwife told me that the next contraction would deliver the head and the one after that the rest of the body. She told me to push slowly. The next contraction I think I remember yelling that it burned over and over. At one point they were all (Blake, the midwife, and 1 of the 2 student midwives) were all telling me loudly to push slowly, and I told them back MORE loudly, "NO I want him OUT NOW!!" They told  me I needed to move a different direction so my midwife could reach to flip him to keep him from getting tangled in his cord. Somehow I made myself move and she flipped him as his head came out and the burning stopped. Thank the LORD! I reached down and felt his head....and I felt HAIR!! I had been praying that this baby would have hair for months! I was so excited and it gave me the motivation to keep going. The next contraction hit and I pushed the rest of him out, turned over and my midwife handed him up to me. What a crazy, incredible feeling of relief and happiness and awe. Molly told me congratulations and I told her that I was so sorry that I had been yelling at her for the past 30 minutes. She told me, "You didn't yell at me, and you have NOT been here 30 minutes. Looking at the notes that the other student midwife had been taking we discovered that he was born only 20 short minutes from pulling up to the birthing center. What a whirlwind! Whirlwind is too mild though. Hurricane that's better. What a hurricane!

Logan Ryan Davis weighed 6lbs 4oz. and measured 20 inches long. He has brown hair and eyes that look like they will be brown. We immediately thought that he was adorable and he was so tiny and quiet. We spent the next 40 hours staying with my midwife at her house and she kept a close eye on him the first 24 hours because he had a little trouble with regular breathing in the first few minutes and also had a wet part in his one of his lungs for the first 12 hours or so. He got over both things on his own though and has been doing great ever since.

Today he is one week old and I am absolutely in love. Every day my attachment and love for him multiplies. I am breaking the rules and he sleeps with me at night snuggled up under my chin. I will treasure these days for the rest of my life.
A sweet friend in El Gorion in Guatemala held my hands before I left and said while wiping tears from her eyes, "When I prayed for you and your baby God gave me a vision that this baby will be healthy, handsome, and a great blessing."
I think about her words a dozen times a day. How right those words are. So overwhelmed with love and gratitude for this amazing blessing.