Tonight You are Mine

It's 3AM and I am pacing the floor. My lips pressed against the side of your head and your sparse, fuzzy hair soft against my face. And each time we pass the mirror on the wall in the almost dark room your eyes search for my face and as I see your big wide eyes I think, Was there ever anything more precious than you?"

And I think about how in a year you'll be sleeping through the night (God, please), and in two years you'll pad into our room in the middle of the night and climb in our bed....on Daddy's side, and in eleven years you'll be the age of your brother and sister; craving time with friends, caught between little boy and man. And then will come the teen years which I have no idea about yet, but assume it includes lots more of letting go some more. And then you'll choose a girl to love more than me for the rest of your life. And that's okay. That's what I want for you.

But tonight while the world sleeps, I cherish that you're mine. And that your squirming head and your spitting out the paci every ten seconds, and your random whimpers and grunts are just you're way of keeping yourself awake because you know if you fall asleep that I will put you down. And you don't want that. And really? How precious is that?

So I admit I have one eye on the clock watching precious minutes of sleep slip away, but I know...I can sleep next year. Right now I'll just keep pacing and finally feel your body start to relax, and I'll tiptoe up the stairs, and settle down in the rocking chair in my room and I'll rock. And after just a few more minutes I'll feel your body and hear your breath tell me that you've completely surrendered to sleep, and then as crazy as it is I'll keep rocking for many more minutes because you know? I kind of don't want to put you down either.