Our Adoption Story.

We started the adoption process on September 14, 2010. We knew that God was calling us to adopt, and felt strongly that we were supposed to sign up to adopt from Ethiopia. The process was supposed to take just over a year. During that year we did lots of paperwork and lots of fundraising. We had garage sales, t-shirt sales, coffee sales, and raffles; all to save up for the expenses down the road that the process would require. We took from our savings account, used our tax refund, and I started taking pictures and teaching piano lessons all to pay the first part of the expenses. By the end of the year we had everything we would need for the entire process all in an account, but we were also disappointed to realize that the wait for a child would be a lot longer than anticipated. Since then, we have changed up our age request, gender request, and even the number of children we were open to, all in an effort to get matched with a child or children. There have been so many times we have been at the top of the list. I've carried my phone around for weeks a time just waiting for our adoption agency to call. Yet there was never a call. At one point, we even tried very hard to adopt an 10 year old boy from the agency's waiting child list. We bought him clothes, picked an American name for him, started cleaning out drawers in Camden's room, and then at the last minute our social worker decided she wouldn't approve us to adopt a child of that age. That was a very discouraging day.
Twice we have been put on hold with our agency. Once when we moved to Guatemala, and then again when we got pregnant with Logan. Both times while we were on hold, the process would pick up and we would see families below us receive children that would have been ours had we not been on hold. Then as soon as we would be eligible again, the process would halt.
For the past several months, we have sat at the top of the list once again, and once again the phone has been silent.
Then, in late August, on a Friday afternoon, we received an email from our agency letting us know that they were having financial difficulties in their Ethiopia program, and asking the waiting families to help them fundraise. As I read that email, something just changed for me. For so long, I had felt God telling us to wait and be patients, and all of a sudden I felt Him speak to me to pray for a new word from Him. Blake felt the same way after reading the email. Over the weekend, we spent a lot of time asking God to speak to us, and by the end of the weekend we both felt that God had shown us that He had called us to the Ethiopia adoption process to keep us in a holding place until a "divine appointment." We struggled with that for a couple of days. "Would God call us to something that He was never planning to complete?" And the answer we came up with, was that God could call us to anything He wants for whatever purpose He wants. He is God. We surrendered to whatever God had for us, and found a peace that was beyond explanation. We both felt that God was still going to bring us a child through adoption, but we were no longer certain it would be from Ethiopia. In the weeks ahead, we started the process to become Guatemalan residents knowing that we could adopt a child from Guatemala once that process was complete. We thought that, maybe, this was how God was going to bring us our child.
Then out of nowhere, I received a Facebook message on September 11 about a baby that was going to be born in Texas in October that would need a family to adopt him. My heart immediately started racing as I read the email. "Was this our "divine appointment?" "Was this little boy the reason God called us to adopt five years ago?" "Was this why no matter how hard we tried, we could never seem to get matched with a child from Ethiopia?"
We spent the next two days praying, talking to an attorney, and daring to hope that this would be our baby. We were told that we would be the family, but as everyone knows these things fall through every day. I'd like to say I sang worship songs and walked around with the faith of Abraham, but the honest truth is I barely slept, my eyes twitched on an annoyingly regular basis, and I broke out in hives. I was a MESS!! Then last Friday I got a call that our baby boy was on his way. Logan and I left early the next morning, and twenty four hours after his birth I was able to hold Grayson Samuel in my arms.

(the first time I held Grayson)

      (Godly, beautiful women that are a part of Grayson's story. Forever honorary Grandmas and aunt)

  (Good friends, adoptive parents, notarized one hundred documents for us over the past five years,   and always, always encouragers.) 

Twenty-four hours after that, he was released to me, and I was sitting at my favorite BBQ place eating a chopped beef sandwich that I was too nervous to taste. I was waiting for my phone to ring to let me know the relinquishment papers had been signed. It was the longest half hour of my life. But the phone eventually rang, and I found out that this baby boy would be ours. And just like I had been told by so many others that have waited for years to adopt, I knew with all of my heart that Grayson Samuel was worth every minute of the five year wait. I still can't believe that we have him. This is better than we ever imagined. Grayson is more than we ever hoped for. We love him so much.
Some of Grayson's story is just that: Grayson's story. We want him to know some of the most intimate details, and give him the ability to choose how and to whom those details are shared. Then there are other details that we will share with those who sit across from us face to face. Details that are more private, but also incredible.
But it is also important for us to testify of the faithfulness of God. There were so many times we wondered if we had heard God wrong. We wondered why God was completing adoptions for everyone but us (so it seemed sometimes). We wondered if maybe we weren't worthy enough to raise someone else's child. God was silent and still, when we felt like He should have been loud and aggressive....parting the sea and fulfilling what He said He would do.
But now we know, God was never silent and still. He knew what He was doing. He knew that we needed to raise the money for this adoption BEFORE we were living on financial support on the mission field. We could not have done all that we did to fundraise for this adoption from Guatemala. And we definitely couldn't have done it in the three weeks between finding out about Grayson and his birth. Because we had the money already sitting and waiting in an account, we were able to say YES without the concern of where we would get the finances. AMAZING! To all of you reading this that helped us raise that money, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. You will always be a part of Grayson's story. To those of you who prayed, listened to us complain, heard me be completely unspiritual and didn't preach to me, asked us how the adoption process was going, let us know you hadn't forgotten.... THANK YOU! For us, you will always be a part of OUR story. You are why we didn't give up.

                                                        (We are in LOVE with his hair!!)
     
And we publicly thank our God who calls us to things that seem so awesome, but down the road can be so hard...for us it's adoption, but also raising children, homeschooling, moving to the mission field in Central America, fundraising for our support, leading a staff from two different cultures, working with the poor, working with short-term teams, mentoring college students... He called us to all of it. God's calling takes sacrifice, but it's a fun adventure. So listen when God wants to speak, and don't give up when He is silent, and don't despair when it's hard. We can say with renewed faith, He WILL come through!

                              

                                  Our family is FINALLY complete!! Look what God has done!!

Camden Bailey is 13

 I have probably told this story in a former birthday blog, but I'm going to tell it again. When he was about four years old I told Blake I wanted us both to write down five traits we wanted to do our best to develop in our son. We spent a few minutes quietly writing and then read each other our lists. He read first, then I read. After I read my list Blake said, "So in other words you want to make our son into a woman." After getting over being highly offended I accepted what he said as a new reality. I was going to need to choose my battles. And I was going to need to choose wisely. I have had to give in on some things. He watches movies with his dad that I want to say no to, he says "crap" when he's mad, he plays video games, and he eats a total of 2 vegetables: lettuce with ranch and raw carrots with ranch. Two nights ago I sat and watched him and Blake with their knives acting out how they would stab someone if they were attacked. I was horrified. And I told them so. And they laughed. And then I laughed too. My poor, poor list.....

This year has been the biggest year of change for him so far. He has become a leader, an initiator, a decision maker, a protector. Somehow over the last year I have realized that when Blake's not around and we have to go out: grocery shopping, market shopping, running errands...he takes the lead. He tells me the best place to park, he talks me through the nerve wracking driving of ridiculous narrow roads, aggressive chicken busses, swerving motorcycles, and sudden street processionals. His calm voice and no non-sense commands have gotten me out of more messes than I count. He leads the way through town, taking different routes depending on what he sees ahead. I don't know how it happened, but in many ways we suddenly have another man in the family.

Camden has recently joined a soccer team here in Magdalena. They don't practice and have one game on Saturdays. Best league ever. ;) It's his first step into entering the culture here in Magdalena. Where his sister leaps head first into new experiences...he crawls....slowly. So far, the boys from the team here are much kinder than the ones in the Antigua league that we tried, and I pray that it stays that way. I want him to stick this out, to succeed, to acclimate. I want to push him sometimes, and other times I want to fiercely protect his cautiousness.

Although he hasn't become Guatemalan by any stretch of the imagination, he likes it here. He says if he could choose for us to move back to the states, he would not choose it. We spent September thru December in the states last year and he was very ready to get back "home" here in Guatemala. He loves our new house. He loves his bigger room and his desk that his PaPa made him. He misses his friend from our neighborhood in Antigua though. They played together every day. And he misses his best friend Noah that moved back to the states. He is a one or two best friends kind of guy. I'm naturally that way too. It can be a problem.

There is a hiking trail behind our house. It goes to the top of the mountain and takes about an hour. He loves it. He's good at it. He goes any time he gets the chance, and feels like he is ready to lead teams up there. I fear for him when we let him go up with teams (and another leader ;)). I know he wants to show how "pro" he is, and I imagine the terribleness that could happen if he decides to show off without thinking. So far a little blood and skinned up legs and hands has been the worst of it.

 He loves the teams side of our job...particularly semester students and summer staff...college kids that are here for 2-4 months. He is all over that. Scooting his chair around the same table. Talking to them for as long as they listen. Laughing at their jokes. Talking about them after they've gone. I don't think they realize the influence they have on him. I'm grateful for this facet of our life here. Grateful for these people that enter our lives and give Camden real life examples of young people that are fun but have hearts to serve the Lord and others.

He enjoys working with the sports site when he gets a chance. He got to ride a public chicken bus with the sports site the other day and has talked about it a dozen times since then. He's the first in the family to do it. He might be the last as well. I'd rather not ever do it. He had an injury one day when playing soccer with the sports site. He got to wear a knee brace for eight days. Hope was green with jealousy.

He starts seventh grade on Monday. He loves Science. He gets it. I don't. He should be the teacher. He is really, really into comics/super heros/marvel/DC comics... He knows all the characters and their stories. He and Blake watch two shows: Flash and Arrow...an episode of each every night or so. Hope and I stay in the room with them, but we play on the ipad. Or watch episodes of 19 and counting with headphones.

He is a picky eater, but he at least has matured enough to feel bad about it. He likes my hot sauce. It's his main source of vegetables. I try to make it a lot. He eats cereal and granola bars between meals. He eats about 7 times a day right now. He drinks chocolate milk with our milk when it goes sour. It's awesome. Milk goes bad fast here, but I never have to throw it out. It's a win/win.
He's 5'3 now and 90 pounds. He's grown so, so much since January. But he's still skin and bones with a little bit of muscle. He loves to show all of us how his ribs stick out when he sucks his stomach in. He prides himself for being the skinniest in the family. Hope, Blake and I all tell him we despise him when he scarfs down 7 pieces of pizza or 8 chicken tacos. And all of us have declined his offer to be our personal trainer.

Lastly I have to write about what an amazing brother he is. He and Logan are buddies already. They adore each other. Camden says that we have to have to, have to, move to Texas when he goes back to the states for college or work. He says that we must live close enough for him to come get Logan for the day whenever he wants. Doesn't that just make your heart squeeze? Logan has been the perfect set up for so many conversations on him becoming a man, a dad, and a husband one day. I have tried hard to ask more questions and give less opinions when those conversations come up. I want to help him think about the man, dad, and husband he wants to be.  My goal is to cheer him on in his decisions, not manipulate him into mine. I've torn up my list. And I'm definitely okay with that. I like who he is becoming.

Destiny Hope is 11

Oh my Destiny Hope....just this morning Blake and I were asking each other again, "Where did this girl come from?" She has no fear here in our new town. No intimidation. No need to slowly acclimate. She acts as if she were born and raised here. 

Yesterday she wanted to go work in the school next door for awhile, so took off after breakfast and was gone for 3 hours. She came back at lunch eating some pan dulce (sweet bread) she had bought from a bread store close by. After checking in, she headed to the playground, and then over to a friend's house one street over. She forgot to let me know she was leaving the playground and heading to a friend's, and an hour later when I realized she wasn't at the playground I ran around in a panic yelling her name over and over before thinking to call this particular friend's parents. Sure enough she was there. I scolded her and told her she needed to be home by 5:30. She returned on time, eating two cooked potatoes and holding two raw potatoes in a bag. I asked her where she had gotten them and she said, "I bought them from a vegetable stand, and then I peeled and microwaved them at Molly's house." 

So she didn't eat lunch or dinner at home. She bought her own food from right off the side of the road for both meals. Blake told me this morning, "I'm proud of her fearlessness, but right now I'm more scared of it than proud." 
It's hard to know how to handle her sometimes. To teach her common sense and awareness of danger without squelching her bold and adventurous spirit. To teach her to be respectful and kind without eliminating all her sassiness that makes her so wild and fun.

She has friends all over the town right now. We can't walk far without hearing kids of all ages yell out, "Hola Esperanza!!" The boys secretly call her "Leon" (Lion) because of her hair. She has a boy that is adamantly wanting her for a girlfriend...but he also runs away when he sees her so we're not to worried about him yet... She says he's too short for her anyway. ha!
She has started spending time with our woman's social work sewing group once a week. She shares the sewing machines with a group of amazing women who are learning skills to support their family. They teach her what they know, and brag on her fast learning when they see me.

Her Spanish has grown by leaps and bounds the past two months. She has become best friends with the girl next door, and they spend hours together just about every day. Early this morning this friend and her big sister set off fireworks outside her window...a tradition here in Guatemala. It scared the beetle juice out of all of us, but Hope came running down the stairs with a huge smile and ran out of the house to greet her birthday celebrators. Life is a party and today's party is all about her.

She is preteen girl already in every sense of the word. Moody and emotional and dramatic. She makes me want to pull my hair out at least once a day. The hours she is calm and rational, she's one of my favorite people to hang out with though. She is a really good communicator and good at telling stories and expressing her thoughts.

She continues to love her baby brother, but doesn't have as much time for him and often isn't very patient. I don't know if she knows it, but Logan would take Camden over her any day. But he doesn't dislike her either, and she will still do things to help with him that Camden won't....like change diapers and get him dressed. She tolerates her big brother just barely. I wish I could say they are best friends....but well that would be a hilarious exaggeration.

She still likes dancing and singing and gymnastics along with her new hobby of sewing. She loves being around people (the more the better), playing games, shopping, puppies, and being in the middle of any action she can find.

I can't wait to see what this next year holds for her, or better yet what she holds for this next year. Being her mom is like reading a suspenseful book. Each day an adventure, each year more exciting and surprising than the last. Her daddy and I are holding on for quite a ride in the years ahead. It won't be boring, I am certain.

Tonight You are Mine

It's 3AM and I am pacing the floor. My lips pressed against the side of your head and your sparse, fuzzy hair soft against my face. And each time we pass the mirror on the wall in the almost dark room your eyes search for my face and as I see your big wide eyes I think, Was there ever anything more precious than you?"

And I think about how in a year you'll be sleeping through the night (God, please), and in two years you'll pad into our room in the middle of the night and climb in our bed....on Daddy's side, and in eleven years you'll be the age of your brother and sister; craving time with friends, caught between little boy and man. And then will come the teen years which I have no idea about yet, but assume it includes lots more of letting go some more. And then you'll choose a girl to love more than me for the rest of your life. And that's okay. That's what I want for you.

But tonight while the world sleeps, I cherish that you're mine. And that your squirming head and your spitting out the paci every ten seconds, and your random whimpers and grunts are just you're way of keeping yourself awake because you know if you fall asleep that I will put you down. And you don't want that. And really? How precious is that?

So I admit I have one eye on the clock watching precious minutes of sleep slip away, but I know...I can sleep next year. Right now I'll just keep pacing and finally feel your body start to relax, and I'll tiptoe up the stairs, and settle down in the rocking chair in my room and I'll rock. And after just a few more minutes I'll feel your body and hear your breath tell me that you've completely surrendered to sleep, and then as crazy as it is I'll keep rocking for many more minutes because you know? I kind of don't want to put you down either.

3 months old